How Do You Talk to Yourself? - Work-Life Balance Articles

How Do You Talk to Yourself?
By Sharon Teitelbaum, MA, MCC, Sharon@stcoach.com

The Relentless Boss Syndrome

Have you ever worked for a manager who responded to every piece of work you did by giving you a new assignment? Who never said things like:

Thank you.
I know you worked long and hard on this. Thanks for going the extra mile.
Great work! On time and under budget!
That was a tough situation. You handled it well.

A constant diet of "Now do this," without generous helpings of "Thank you" is not sustainable. Without acknowledgement, eventually, we stop working hard. Not getting credit is de-motivating!

Are you a Relentless Boss to yourself?

How do you treat yourself? Do you regularly appreciate and celebrate your accomplishments? Or do you just step over them to get on with the next job? I’ll bet you are not proficient in the art of patting yourself on the back. My new clients often discover they have a habit of saying to themselves, "Faster! Now do this! Faster! Now do this!" What do you say to yourself?

Most of us are poor at acknowledging ourselves. We distrust it. We fear that it leads directly to "resting on our laurels." But it’s really just the opposite. "Thank you" is a critical part of the achievement cycle. It’s only after we really GET the "thank you" we are fully ready for the next task.

My clients report that one benefit they get from working with me is that they begin to understand and acknowledge more of what they do. Not at the expense of doing more, though. In fact, acknowledging themselves for what they already do actually supports and inspires them to take on more, to keep growing, to move ahead.

Getting credit is very motivating! Especially if the credit is from you.

If you find yourself feeling tired or stalled when it comes to a task that you really do believe in, stop and ask yourself: Are there accomplishments I haven’t acknowledged? If so, give yourself a pat on the back. Really.

COACHING TIPS

Here are some practical, easy ways you can acknowledge yourself.

Keep a success journal. Every night write down what you accomplished or completed that day.
When people ask, "How are you?" say something like, "Great. I recently . . . (cleaned out my garage, finished my taxes, wrote a huge proposal . . . )"
Buy some pre-stamped postcards. When you finish a major job, send yourself a signed card in the mail that reads, "Congratulations on getting the yard cleaned up. Great work!"
When you reach a milestone, celebrate it with other people.
Start a file called "Reward Ideas." Collect ideas for large and small ways to celebrate your accomplishments. Then use them! Some starter ideas:

Go for a walk or a run with a friend
Have a glass of wine with dinner
Take yourself to a movie matinee
Buy yourself a new book
Make a donation to your Hawaii fund
Find a friend who also wants to get better at this. Have a weekly phone call where you each rave for 5 minutes about what you did that week. No other conversation is allowed during the 5 minutes.
Keep an "I DID" list at home and at work. This is the counterpart to your "To Do" list.
Take a friend, colleague, or family member out to lunch to mark an accomplishment. Tell them what the occasion is.
Make a list of your 25 proudest accomplishments, from any part of your life. Post it where you will see it daily.
Acknowledge yourself for finding your way to this list.

Next Steps

For a self-acknowledgement "tune-up" or to check-in about what’s holding you back, CONTACT ME: Sharon Teitelbaum, Sharon@STcoach.com, 617-926-8393 for an initial consultation at no charge.

[Back to Motivating Articles]

For permission to reprint this article or to use it for anything other than your own personal use, contact me.