Rx for Parents - Work-Life Balance Articles

Rx for Parents
By Sharon Teitelbaum, MA, MCC, Sharon@stcoach.com

Acknowledge yourself for the parenting work that you do. No one else will! There are ways that you are amazing in this work THAT NOBODY KNOWS BUT YOU. The perfect lunches you sometimes pack. Knowing how to distract your child from his sore throat for a few minutes. Getting the right size boots, snowsuit, and mittens in the right colors in time (more or less) for the first snow. Reading the letter from the teacher a second time and getting that there really is a problem in that classroom. Finding a babysitter that your child really likes. Listening to your child's pain and indignation at being ousted from the clique, at not getting the part in the play, at not making varsity. And so on.

It is likely that no one will ever thank you for the unique and gifted way you do this work. But you, oh achiever, need and deserve the recognition, so give it to yourself. Not to flatter or inflate, but truly to witness the important work you do, work that is largely invisible. Say to yourself, "I was really there for my child today" in this or that particular way. It's motivating, and it will re-charge your batteries.

Even the most polite children rarely thank you for doing your job well. In fact, children sometimes do just the opposite. When my children were about 7 and 11, they thought they were the only children in Massachusetts that hadn't been to Disney World, and once even joked about calling the child neglect hotline to complain about this. We tended to take nature vacations. The truth is my husband and I viewed Disney World the same way we viewed water parks at the time -- we thought the longer we can postpone this the better.

But I got a new job around that time, flush with benefits, including (of all things) discount trips to Disney World. I went for it, and arranged for the 4 of us to get to the Magic Kingdom. I knew it would be fun, and of course it was. But the first day, we made the classic mistake of packing too much into one day and underestimating how long the restaurant lines would be for dinner. While waiting in line, my younger daughter had a complete meltdown. Through her frustration and tears, she shouted at me, "This was all your idea, coming to Disney World. We never wanted to come here! We're only here because you made us come!" It was a breakthrough moment for me as a parent, because it was so clear what was going on.

Honor and appreciate the ways you are an inspired and devoted parent. If you parent with a partner, let your partner know what you appreciate about the ways he does it, and ask him to do the same for you. When you're with other parents, tell them what you admire about their parenting style. But most important, acknowledge yourself for the ways that you do it well. It will motivate you to keep doing it well.

If you're getting drained and depleted, either as a parent or in some other capacity, contact me for an initial consultation at not charge.

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Copyright 2002-2008, by Sharon Teitelbaum, all rights reserved.

For permission to reprint this article or to use it for anything other than your own personal use, contact me.